It seems right.
It seems worth it all.
It seems like about time.
It was never very easy. But it was never very hard also.
Yet the calm that descends is like never before.
Funny in the pit of the stomach.
Unfamiliar heart beat.
You try to remember how it was before this moment.
The struggle, strife, insecurity.
The determination, resolve, purpose.
There IS light at the end of every tunnel.
I saw it today. I reached the end of this one. A really long one.
I know there will one more tunnel tomorrow, another the day after.
But I know now. I know better.
There will be light at the end of them all.
All I need is belief and patience.
I will see it through, like today.
I am ready.
So we shifted to our new house, which will be our home for the next as many years we want . The building is not complete. There are only 2 more families apart from us who have moved in. The lift isn’t working. We don’t like the paper guy who is the official paperwala assigned by the builder. We have carpenter working in the hall. The house is always dirty. The kitchen is in mess, we haven’t had a single decent meal since we shifted. It will be a month , till we are able to invite friends over for dinner or that house warming party both of us have been planning to have way , before we even bought this house. N seems to be obsessed with the interior, he is always talking of the curtain rods , colour of the laminate , the toilet fixture etc. we are still to have any other conversation apart from all that. There is a school next to our house and kids make so much of noise , that I wake up with a start every morning at 7 am. We have slums view apartment ( yes, it is a concept in Bombay) , there is a open drain next to it ( but mercifully, it has running water and it doesn’t smell). On a totally different note ,since we don’t have cable, I seem to have more hours in the day. Earlier I never realized where the day went watching tv the whole afternoon, now I have found time. I am reading , soaking my feet in warm water, listening to music , going for long walks (albeit to get away from carpenter’s khat phat) .
But I am happy.
For the first time I have a house with balconies.. small but balconies all the same . I have hills to look at from them … I have to lean a little and see a bit of them , but they are hills and they are visible ..
And for the first time we are living on a higher floor than first (as to why only on first floor! that’s another story for another day , involving ma , my astrological chart and a pandit). I am able to ignore the slums down below. I can now spend the whole afternoon with the laptop, next to the window , in t shirts and shorts , disheveled hair , without worrying about someone prying into my bedroom. The windows are open all the time now. I can see the sky.
I think I will be happy here ..
On a totally different note ,since we don’t have cable, I seem to have more hours in the day. Earlier I never realized where the day went watching tv the whole afternoon, now I have found time. I am reading , soaking my feet in warm water, listening to music , going for long walks (albeit to get away from carpenter’s khat phat) .
“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.” so i intend to write the words. again . here. with honesty. for myself.